The Mommy Vortex: Identity Theft by Minivan ? Rachel Simmons

I was having coffee the other day with a young friend of mine, who is in her late twenties. She is a bright, caring woman who also happens to be a wonderful elementary school teacher and an avid writer. The subject inevitably turned toward children?both her students and my own kids?and she very brazenly declared to me that she had no intention of having children of her own. I think, for a moment, she thought I would be shocked.

I wasn?t.

In fact, I was intrigued at her reasoning: ?she explained, without hesitation, that she didn?t want to lose her identity, and she believed having children would rob her of who she really is. I hesitated for a moment before realizing that I honestly couldn?t fully contradict her statement or her fears.

I had lost pieces of my own identity long ago. Eight years to be exact, when my first child was born. And I have spent countless hours trying to reclaim them.

I think other mothers might disagree with me on this point; I do understand both sides of the issue. There is a part of me that has been enhanced by being a mother; a part of me that I didn?t know even existed came alive when I had children; I found a new capacity to love, I discovered more patience, and I still learn new things about myself every day. And I really love my two little people. I couldn?t imagine life without them.

Yet, I couldn?t honestly tell my younger friend that she was wrong. I was not the same person I was before I had children. I was inexorably changed, and frankly, I was completely unprepared for that change. I still mourn the loss of my former self: that person who did superficial things like shopping for completely impractical high-heeled shoes to just-match a new outfit; that woman who was always fashionably dressed, latte in hand, ready to conquer the twelve-plus hour office work day; that girl who got to chat with her friends without the sound of whining, things breaking, or screeching wails in the background; that person who didn?t count two bites of a leftover chicken nugget and a handful of Goldfish crackers as a balanced lunch; that young woman who rolled her eyes at all mini-vans.

And more than that, I miss the person who had so many options, who could do anything she wanted whenever she wanted, from accepting a promotion to attending a World Series game with her work colleagues without worrying about childcare.? I miss that young girl who never heard the words ?work-life balance? or ?extended day care.?

I remember people asking me when I was pregnant how I was going to handle being a ?working mother? (that oxymoron still infuriates me; don?t all mothers work ?).? I found it pretty ironic that no one ever asked my husband how he would handle working and parenting after the baby was born. That should have been my first clue that the parenting journey was going to be different for me as a mother.

Children change us, especially us moms, with the very basic reality that they need to be cared for constantly. Twenty-four/seven. And that responsibility can be a crushing weight on your time. And on your dreams. After my first child was born, I never felt like I could do anything 100%; work, the baby, the house, my husband?something always suffered in my quest to meet all my obligations.

My lofty dreams?the ones like writing a novel or going back to school for my PhD?were no longer on the horizon.? Worse, they weren?t even on my radar (which was often covered with spit-up).

That is not to say that all the things I wanted to do or accomplish are forever gone.? But I have to be honest with myself?most of those things are not going to happen now, at least not all at the same time as raising a family. There is sacrifice in that. I can?t think of one mother who has not sacrificed something in pursuit of parenting. And not to be too dramatic, but I think a little piece of my identity does fall away with each small sacrifice that is made for the greater good of raising well-adjusted children who I hope will one day be productive citizens.

So maybe my identity has not completely changed; perhaps it has just been modified.? But I am absolutely not the same person that I was before having children. That person did not have the heavy weight of responsibility of raising two little people.? That person had the luxury of time, and, for the most part, the selfish right to make decisions only for herself.

So as I listened to my friend, I had to agree with her. More than that, I had to commend her. When I was her age, it never occurred to me how different my life would be with children. Maybe it was naivet?, maybe it was too many cute diaper commercials. But I never, ever thought that I?d have to make small (and sometimes significant) sacrifices in the pursuit of being a mom.

I do wish the older women in my life had been more honest with me about how difficult it is to juggle, balance, and twist yourself into a pretzel in order to be a good parent, wife, partner, employee, friend . . . all at the same time.

And of course, no one forces us to have children. But I sincerely believe that there is so much beauty and value in having children and raising a family. So, no, I don?t think I?ve completely moved to Betty Friedan?s camp about ?is this all?? for us moms, however, I do have to agree with her that we, as women, to be productive and happy, have to know ourselves as people through our creative talents and goals?and not just simply identify ourselves as moms. We are more complex than that. I think, then, if we can at least openly acknowledge that our identities are changed?or are at least challenged?after having children, then we can do something creative to maintain a little piece of who we are underneath all that diaper cream and spilled fruit juice.

I would hate to tell my own daughter not to have children on the premise that having her forced me to lose my own identity in some negative way. That would be unfair and not wholly true. But I would want her to first fully embrace who she is as a person, and understand that if she one day has children, she will undeniably have to modify who she is?maybe for just a little while. More so, I?d want her to embrace the fact that the essence of her being did not have to fall prey to car pools and bake sales forever.

And if she told me she didn?t want to have kids, I would respect that. Not every woman does. But for those of us that do, we owe it to our children to know ourselves?to recognize our sidelined dreams and goals?so that we can (eventually) reclaim our full identities, making us better parents, better people, and better examples for the next generation of moms.

Rosemarie Coppola-Baldwin is a practicing attorney and a dedicated mother of? two children.? A Georgetown University graduate, Rosemarie has practiced law at a major New York City law firm and for the City of New York. Rosemarie has been a guest lecturer on women?s civil rights and related legal issues at St. John?s University (New York), and offers pro bono legal services to a variety of entities.

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Source: http://www.rachelsimmons.com/2012/08/the-mommy-vortex-identity-theft-by-minivan/

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Croak - Part 1 | Just Another Creative Writing Blog

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Source: http://justanotherjd.blogspot.com/2012/08/croak-part-1.html

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The most perfect house, The New Orleans Creole cottage 1770-1860

A wonderful 1830's Creole Cottage on Bourbon Street in the French Quarter?

One of my favorite architectural styles in New Orleans is the Creole cottage.?Creole cottage is a term loosely used to refer to a type of vernacular architecture indigenous to the Gulf Coast reign of the United States. Within this building type comes a series of variations and styles. The style was a dominant house type along the central Gulf Coast from about 1790 to 1840 in the former settlements of French Louisiana in Alabama, Louisiana, and Mississippi. The style is popularly thought to have evolved from French and Spanish colonial house-forms, although the true origins are unclear. This type of house was common along the Gulf Coast and associated rivers in the 19th century with a few scattered examples found as far west as Houston, Texas and as far east as northern Florida, though the majority of structures are found in southern Louisiana eastward to Mobile, Alabama.

Creole cottages are scattered throughout the city of New Orleans, with most being built between 1790-1850. The majority of these cottages are found in the French Quarter, the surrounding areas of Faubourg Marigny, the Bywater and Esplanade Ridge. Creole Cottages are one and half story buildings, set at ground level. They have a steeply pitched roof, with a symmetrical four-opening facade wall, with a wood or stucco exterior. They are usually set close to the property line.

Two features of this style of house are thought to be influences from other places in France's former colonial empire. The full front porch is believed to originate from the Caribbean islands for cool shade for theses homes. while the high gabled roof, the ridge of which is parallel to the street, that accommodates the porch as well as the mass of the house is thought to be of French Canadian origin. In the earlier or more fundamental examples one or two main rooms may open directly onto the porch. They often feature an interior chimney that pierces the ridge line of the roof, with back-to-back fireplaces serving two rooms. Two common secondary characteristics of this style are a raised basement level and the front of the buildings are most often situated up to the property line.

In the city of New Orleans the term Creole cottage tends to be more narrowly defined as a1 1?2-story house with a gabled roof, the ridge of which is parallel to the street. The house normally has four squarish rooms with no hallways and is built up to the front property line. The primary difference between these cottages and those elsewhere is the lack of a full front porch.

www.rosetterochon.com/

?The Mus?e Rosette Rochon is projected to be a major historic house museum and a vital educational center for the Marigny and adjacent French Quarter, Trem?, and Bywater neighborhoods. It is an early antebellum home built for Rosette Rochon, a free businesswoman of color who amassed wealth and lived to about the age of one hundred. The house also has many remarkable details, being one of the most important early examples in New Orleans of architectural transition between Creole and American styles.

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New Orleans has no museum devoted to the legacy of the city's antebellum free Black population, which was by far the wealthiest in the United States. The Rochon project is a non-profit foundation dedicated to the promotion of and the education about the history of Black people, women, business, the building trades, race relations, and the preservation of the city's unique Afro-Creole and African-American cultures. It will soon be part of a collection of drawings in a sketchbook titled "Color Me Creole" by the late local artist Lloyd Sensat.

www.rosetterochon.com/

Artwork I did for?The Mus?e Rosette Rochon

www.rosetterochon.com/

The Story of Rosette Rochon

Marie Louise Rose - Rosette

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She was born in Mobile, Alabama in 1767, and died in New Orleans, Louisiana on March 5, 1863. Her father, Pierre Rochon, was Mobile's first shipbuilder, a naval store supplier, and a planter. Her mother, Marianne, was a mulatto slave. Rosette was the youngest of six children, and was freed by her father in 1770. The Rochon family can be traced back to 1576 in France. After her father died in 1771, Rosette (age 5) and her family moved to New Orleans and bought property in the Vieux Carr? on Rue St. Philip. Her brother fought in the War of 1812. Rosette lived through the War of Independence, the War of 1812, the Haitian Revolution and the War Between the States.

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She must have been a beauty - French, Negro and one-eighth Kaskasian Illinois Indian (Octoroon). As a young woman, she became involved with a certain M. Hardy - probably Jean Baptiste Hardy de Bois Blanc. A sojourn in Haiti follows where a son, Donatien Hardy, was born - he later became an official in the government. The unsettled conditions there may have prompted the return to New Orleans where a daughter, Zelime Hardy, was born. Later, a liaison occurs with Joseph Forstal, a White Creole of substance, and from that union, two sons and two daughters were born. Although Rosette was illiterate, all her children could read and write.

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She was a woman of business who owned and operated grocery stores ("Victualler et Boucher" - 1822 Professional Directory, ed. Paxton), had a Spanish permit to brand cattle in Opelousas, bought and sold real estate, mortgages, slaves (freeing at least one - the woman, Orice, in 1835), had at least one bondsman, loaned or rented out slaves or labor as barter for firewood and candles. She loaned money at interest, built and sold or rented out fine buildings and rooms.

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She was one of the first investors in the Faubourg Marigny, buying land on May 10, 1806. [The plan of the subdivision was presented to the city on March 16, 1806.] As one of the premier investors in the new Marigny suburb, Rochon contributed to the importance of the neighborhood, the city, and to the Creole culture. She was a well-to-do woman who succeeded in a man's world.

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She was entombed in St. Louis No. 2 Cemetery in the fine tomb she had built for her son, Joseph Dorestan Forstal, the "Golden One." Paul Monsseaux was the sculptor.

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Her legacy, the Mus?e Rosette Rochon, is one of the two last surviving structures she built.

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Notes by Don G. Richmond

In the city of New Orleans the term Creole cottage tends to be more narrowly defined as a1 1?2-story house with a gabled roof, the ridge of which is parallel to the street. The house normally has four squarish rooms with no hallways and is built up to the front property line. The primary difference between these cottages and those elsewhere is the lack of a full front porch.

A similar house type that some architectural scholars believe is related to the Creole cottage is the Gulf Coast cottage. However, it is not clear if this type is derived from the Creole cottage or if it is a Deep South adaptation of a Tidewater-type cottage. They both display some of the general characteristics of a Creole cottage. In the more formal and later examples, a central hall is almost always present. These more formal examples began to appear in the 1820s and 1830s. They are typically larger with Federal or Greek Revival architectural influences not present in the simpler version. If a central hall is present, then usually it is entered via a central entrance. End-gable chimneys are often present rather than a central one.

Source: http://andrewhopkinsart.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-most-perfect-house-new-orleans.html

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Cruz's Texas victory shows tea party staying power

WASHINGTON (AP) ? Ted Cruz's Senate primary victory in Texas will provide a boost for tea party-backed, no-compromise conservatives in Congress.

His all-but-sure win in November will increase the number of tea party-aligned senators to six, and as many as seven more could win election. That will ensure a bigger impact on both politics and policy on Capitol Hill, even if Democrats manage to retain a Senate majority and the White House.

Dozens of tea party-supported candidates won House seats two years ago, but only four were elected to the Senate: Marco Rubio of Florida, Ron Johnson of Wisconsin, Rand Paul of Kentucky and Mike Lee of Utah. They joined South Carolina Sen. Jim DeMint, an ideological godfather of a movement born in the aftermath of Congress enacting President Barack Obama's health care overhaul two years ago.

As a result of those small numbers, the tea party's impact in the Senate has been less than in the House ? for both parties.

Republicans speak optimistically of possibly taking Senate control ? though Cruz will take a safely Republican seat ? and most GOP senators tout their own conservative credentials. But Senate Republican leader Mitch McConnell has generally not had to contend with conservative insurrections, while House Speaker John Boehner regularly faces fierce resistance from blocks of conservatives at the mere mention of compromise with Democrats.

Cruz defeated the establishment favorite, Texas Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst, on Tuesday after spending his entire campaign aligning himself with the tea party. He was endorsed by DeMint more than a year ago.

"We are witnessing a great awakening," he said of his victory, presenting himself as part of a new generation of conservatism.

With just three months until the general election, however, the 2012 campaign season has been anything but a tea party sweep. The movement couldn't settle on an opponent to Mitt Romney for the Republican presidential nomination, although more than half a dozen auditioned.

And it came up short in a bid to unseat veteran Republican Sen. Orrin Hatch of Utah just two years after Lee pulled off a stunning upset in the state. At least a handful of the tea party-backed candidates in the House also face tough re-election fights this fall.

But Cruz's victory does add to the momentum of tea-party-sponsored Richard Mourdock's upset victory in Indiana's Republican primary over Richard Lugar, a six-term senator who partnered with Democrats on foreign policy. .

Democrats quickly predicted that Cruz's arrival would create havoc for McConnell. Sen. Patty Murray, the head of the Senate Democrats' campaign arm, virtually conceded he'll win in November before musing Wednesday on Cruz's impact.

"I think the bigger issue there is that Mitch McConnell is now going to have a potentially much more Tea Party-oriented caucus, and we have all seen the damage that has done to our ability to govern, to find compromise, to move this country forward in a positive direction, she said. "It's more of their problem than ours."

A stronger tea party presence in the Senate could have a significant impact even before the 2012 election winners take office. Just the prospect could tip the scales in a lame duck post-election session on tax cuts and possible military spending cuts.

Expect an even bigger impact in February when the government approaches the $16.4 trillion ceiling on federal debt. Raising it again is anathema to tea partyers.

Republicans are already welcoming Cruz's arrival.

"People are mad at Washington, D.C., they're mad at what they perceive to be the establishment and they want some change," said Sen. John Cornyn, a fellow Texan and head of the Republicans' Senate campaign arm. "I certainly understand why."

Just how much the tea party's impact grows in the Senate depends on the outcome of seven other races.

In Indiana, Mourdock still has to defeat Democratic Rep. Joe Donnelly in November.Nebraska State Sen. Deb Fischer ran as a strict conservative to emerge from a crowded primary and will take on former Sen. Bob Kerrey in a race to replace Democratic Sen. Ben Nelson.

The three candidates in Missouri's GOP primary have all brandished their deep conservative credentials as they compete to take on embattled Sen. Claire McCaskill. And several of the candidates in Wisconsin's hotly contested Republican Senate primary later this month have positioned themselves as tea party alternatives to former GOP Gov. Tommy Thompson. The winner will face liberal Democratic Rep. Tammy Baldwin in November.

In addition, Rep. Connie Mack, the strong favorite in a Republican primary to take on Sen. Bill Nelson in Florida, has expressed support for the tea party movement, as have Josh Mandel, the Republican-nominated challenger to Democratic Sen. Sherrod Brown in Ohio. Former Sen. George Allen has picked up some tea party support in what will be a tight Senate race in Virginia against former Democratic Gov. Tim Kaine.

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/cruzs-texas-victory-shows-tea-party-staying-power-215029108.html

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Romney?s snoozy 'Mitt?s VP' iPhone app

Two mobile apps released this week offer insight into the presidential campaigns of Mitt Romney and President Barack Obama. ?Mitt?s VP? has some intelligent design behind it, but it ends up a riot of styles and is ultimately ungenerous in the extreme. At the same time, ?Obama for America? is clean, Appley-looking and unconfusing. But what the two campaign apps really shed light on is what apps?anyone?s app?ought to be in 2012.

At first glance, ?Mitt?s VP? uses rustic, Americana lettering as if it were a haberdashery window in the age of Grover Cleveland. That?s pretty great. Any hint of Barnumism in a campaign seems like a healthy sign that someone is not taking the venture too seriously.

But that vibe turns out to be only pixel-deep. The app is quickly revealed as a banal, noxiously safe, wavy-bunting-on-the-dais bit of silliness, like a campaign website from the ?90s. The nineteen-nineties. The collision of this nervous patriotism with the sheen of steampunk irony in the design is queasy-making.

But form is not the real problem with the app. What it lacks entirely is a reason for being. I guess it sorta promises access to veepstakes secrets, though time will tell whether app-holders will actually get the first public notification of the decision. (In 2008, the Obama campaign attempted to do the same with text-message subscribers, who instead found out almost three hours after CNN announced Joe Biden as his choice of running mate.)

For the casual downloader and app collector who wants a digital gumdrop or a nifty function now, there?s bupkis. ?Mitt?s VP? is almost spitefully unrewarding for anyone who takes the time to download it.

The usual exchange in the App Store?I tried out both candidates? apps for Apple?s iOS?is that users take the trouble to download things and sometimes pay for them and the apps, in turn, just give and give and give. Games and stuff to read and nuggets of info and ways to optimize the functioning of this and that. Apps should seem cornucopic. One thing they should not do is ask for donations.

It turns out that ?Mitt?s VP??after dangling a promise of veepstakes secrets and a limited-edition bumper sticker?is chiefly designed to facilitate my joining mittromney.com so I can be data-mined, and my contributions and vote can be more heavily solicited.

The app wants me, without even trying to butter me up with a swell animation or something, to enter my street address and ZIP code. Evidently my copious Facebook info, which I lemming-like turn over to the app when I graciously sign in with my Facebook login, isn?t rich enough for Romney and Co.

Street address?! I?m downloading an app, for Pete?s sake. I don?t give my street address to apps I love, like Twitter?s, or ?Scramble for Friends.?

I enter in my city?s name and that?s it. The app doesn?t note the information shortfall and promises me a ?limited edition VP bumper sticker? in my ?mailbox? after the announcement is made. That would be a neat trick if Romney?s people can find me using my city alone.

Even worse, the app promises that if I return to the app later I?ll learn the name of the 2012 Republican vice-presidential nominee?but for now, I can go to the Web. Apps that throw you to the Web are barely apps, in my view. They?re like suburbs with no retail or attractions that make you keep hitting up a whole other neighborhood.

Like many sloppy, greedy apps that are not worth the bytes they?re ingrained in, ?Mitt?s VP? is junk. And that?s not political. Romney?s app looks weird, it asks for tons of data, and it gives nothing but promises.

The ?Obama for America? app also landed me on the Web?barackobama.com?in record time. Content that?s not optimized for mobile, like content topped with an address bar, is gummy and off-putting on a mobile device. What?s hard to understand about that?

Still, Obama?s app didn?t ask for my address. Instead, it pinpointed me using my tablet?s GPS. When I clicked on ?Events? it pointed me to Obama phone banks that are blocks from my house. Wow. While this may have been more invasive, it seemed more helpful because it?s more the modus operandi of apps. Without asking for too much from me, the app seemed like a service and not a solicitation.

Along the bottom off the app are widgets: Info, Events, Featured, Action and Donate. I liked the ?Info? button especially, which pulls up, inside the app, the campaign?s talking points, including claims about education, national security, ?equal rights,? ?women?s health? and other categories that are illuminatingly broken down. ?Jobs & Economy? is one rubric; ?Taxes? is another.

When alerted to various Obama-related events in my area, I was asked to RSVP, and no doubt that would send me to the Web. (So I refused.) But I did like the idea of ?RSVP? on a button, and furthermore ?Check it out? makes a good button label. That?s how you get to the featured content (on the Web, yes) from the Obama app.

I found ?Obama for America? genuinely useful?for news about the campaign?s message, especially. It?s so simple that it seemed like something designed for the National Gallery in Washington?like an immaculate, government-stamped design. Where the federal government and Apple have, for now, agreed to meet.

Romney?s app just looked weirder in comparison. But then Romney himself (after his traveling press secretary?s ?kiss my ass? comment, especially) seems weird lately, too. Who would have thought that Romney would play the nutter in this election? I guess it had to be one of them. And one thing we?ve learned about Obama?a lesson sealed by this app?is that, win or lose, he never, ever freaks out.

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/there%E2%80%99s-a-nap-for-that--romney%E2%80%99s-snoozy--mitt%E2%80%99s-vp--iphone-app.html

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How Does The Agent Get Paid? | REALTOR.com? Blogs

Q: At the time of the closing does the commission for the sellers agent get subtracted from the money owed to the seller or does a separate check get written ? This is for a transaction in New York State.
?Skip, Ghent, NY

A: Commissions, as with other closing costs, are typically deducted from the seller?s proceeds and disbursed by the closing company on behalf of the seller. The seller then receives a check for the net proceeds from the sale of the property. If payments will exceed the sales proceeds, the seller would pay a cashier?s check or other certified funds to the closing company, who would then make the proper disbursements.
Phil Lunnon is a Realtor? with Lunnon Realty in Lakewood, CO.

Are you interested in having a qualified REALTOR answer your questions? Click through to Ask a REALTOR? now.

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Related posts:

1. Can The Administrative Fee Of The Condo (Payable by Seller) Be Pushed On The Buyer?
2. As A First Time Home Buyer, What Are Closing Costs?
3. What Will Happen If I Sell My Home For More Than The Value Of My Loan?
4. Can The Seller Refuse To Pay For An Appraisal?
5. How Are Liens Handled When A Home Is Sold?

Source: http://www.realtor.com/blogs/2012/07/31/how-does-the-agent-get-paid/

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